Awake! oh Light

(Here's another poem I wrote. Since there's 20 lines, it's not a sonnet. The rhyming patter is easy, though - ABAB CDCD... Finally, it's in 'Iambic Tetrameter,' which means each line has 4 feet with two syllables each, and the rhythm is something like da-DUM da-DUM... )

Awake! oh Light

Adapting eyes, his iris grows,

Two pupils shrink like ships depart;

Asleep no more but still unknown

Where he shall sail or when to start.

One day he'll wake and know his course,

He'll learn the winds, the stars, the moon;

He'll shout with joy till voice is hoarse,

Unwavering through all monsoons.

But storms are strong that rage within,

And fright is doubl'd in shadows deep;

For shadows live where light is thin,

And fear when sown means darkness reaped.

If only there was Light so bright,

To guide his ship round rocky shore;

And scare the dark and fear of night,

Away from weary trav'ler's soul.

Awake! oh Light, and dance upon

The face of him who sings along,

Who trusts in One with life e'erlong,

With voice raised high in faithful song

Sonnet 1

(This is my first attempt at a Shakespearean Sonnet. Here are some elements of the structured poem: 14 lines, a specific rhyming pattern, and a rhythm, or meter, which means the poem should carry a beat like this: da-DUM da-DUM... I suggest reading it, "When I sit here, no clues..." Enjoy!)

When I sit here, no clues, confused, ashamed

I think of all locales in which to hide

You speak to me but I avert my gaze

I long to look unblinking in your eyes

Seek solitude, but fear to be alone

The paradox, I know hurts me and you

Now smash into iotas hearts of stone

Rebuild them all and set on paths so new

But to transform for none is any quirk

Cerebral habits derail the heart-run train

Though blazing new a road, it's no small work

Established paths are hard to deviate

Destroy therefore, for good, the bandit shame

And set me free by whispering my name!

Our Hope

Our Hope

Not just there

Like a rock

Foundation

Here too

Dwell in us

Chasing us

Pursuer

Truly

You always

Care so much

Compassion

Our Love

Your heart swells

For justice

Righteous One

Our Life

Very breath

My heartbeat

Creator

Endless

We too share

Life ceaseless

Eternal

Wait for the Lord

"Is anyone feeling less than okay emotionally?" asked the leader of the meeting. Though a few people responded, and though I should have raised my hand, I remained silent. But because I believe in prayer, and honestly thought it would help me and others, I decided to pray, and to pray out loud, with the words I chose to use applying to me and the humble few in the center of the group. What I asked for was what I needed most of all: solidity and steadiness, and a reminder that the Lord's love is steadfast; he is our Rock and Refuge.

After praying I opened up to Psalm 27 because it's awesome. The last verse resonated within me:

"Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take courage,
wait for the Lord!"

I think that "Wait for the Lord," can be about two things. First, it is the daily waiting to hear God: spending time in his presence, devoting life to him, balancing our wobbly selves on him, who is the steady, unwavering One. "Wait for the Lord" is also about waiting for Jesus to return.  Because return he will. And when he does, we will wonder why we didn't trust him absolutely before our eyes beheld his power and majesty. No guilt here, I only mean that maybe our picture of Jesus prevents us from really, truly trusting him and throwing ourselves on him when our desperation culminates. And when we see him, we will understand why we were called to wait for him, to cast our cares on him, and to call him the loving Lord of our lives. (I am struck by the lack of a weakling Jesus here - a soft-spoken man holds no place in this passage. That too may be why we don't trust him enough).

"14 The hairs of his head were white, like white wool, like snow. His eyes were like a flame of fire, 15 his feet were like burnished bronze, refined in a furnace, and his voice was like the roar of many waters. 16 In his right hand he held seven stars, from his mouth came a sharp two-edged sword, and his face was like the sun shining in full strength.

 17 When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. But he laid his right hand on me, saying, “Fear not, I am the first and the last, 18 and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades."

Alive forevermore! This has become more than just a personal encouragement to have more quiet times, more devotions. For me, this passage is the reason I even try. Because there are flaming eyes that look at me and love me, and there is someone who is stronger, holding stars and capturing the very light of the sun in his face - declaring that he is not just in control of my life, but the universe - and there is someone with a voice like the roar of many waters who invites me into an intimacy incomparable.

Does this inspire you to wait for the Lord? To be strong and let your heart take courage? Will you wait for the Lord and listen to what he might say?

Prima Verbe - First Word

Prima Verbe - First Word.

What are the first words you speak out loud each day?

If you sleep with someone, I imagine it would be different. But I sleep alone. Well, my roommates are usually asleep when I wake up, so I basically sleep alone. When I wake up, I take a shower, get dressed, go to breakfast, and talk to people there. This makes my first words something like, "Good morning." And if I skipped the shower, the tired words would be an octave lower than normal, my eyes would lazily be half-open, and saying, "Good morning," would become an empty automatic.

But I believe that the first words we speak each day wear some kind of power. They may not, but they might. If anything, they set the mood for the first hour of our day, which tailors the mood for our whole day.

Are your first words, "Ugh," "Aaaahh," "Shoot!" or even something worse, depending on how late you stayed up the night before? How long does it take to strip this attitude and dress yourself with an attitude more fitting to loving your friends and family?

My first words are paramount in my attitude. A temptation for me is to use my words to rip and tear others in order to somehow, sneakily, lift myself up; to uselessly, improperly sew up my insecurities. This passive aggression is deadly and wears holes in my relationships, and I want so badly to instead use my tongue and the words that it speaks to touch others, to lift them up, dust them off if need be, and to make them feel warm and happy, cared about and welcomed... That all our issues are extra small compared to God, who constantly irons us out.

I have begun making my first words something more profound and thought-out. Because of my mental state for the first few minutes of each morning, with effort I gather myself to mumble a few words: "Thank you, God." Tucked in beneath those words is a heart giving its day to God, as I realize that it's only because of his design that I'm here, alive and well, with the ability to influence others. This often happens when I'm in the shower or getting dressed. I speak these first words, and God is meanwhile washing me clean and dressing me in his righteousness, the righteousness he died to give us. He was clothed with humanity so we could don holiness. A set of bright white clothes that causes its wearer to radiate with glory and sing with purity.

And then it's a good morning indeed.

Outreach Update!

Photos by Heidi Jarva

The orphanage has perhaps 20 kids, ranging from 2 years old to university students, with a large chunk being in the 8-12 range. They are all full of life and energy, and all seem very happy to have us around. We are in a remote area, outside the town of Non Som Boon, near Nang Bua Lamphu, in NE Thailand. Needless to say, we're not hitting the movie theaters on our days off.

We were warmly received a couple weeks ago by the children singing us a song as our vehicle pulled into the parking space. Since then we have conducted our evening English programs and painted 3 of the buildings a sky blue. A couple days a week we travel to different schools to entertain the Thai students (elementary schools so far) with English lessons, games, songs, more games, a gospel explanation, and after another game or two, a drama.

Besides the programs and the schedule, I've been quite surprised by how quickly we were loved and accepted by all the kids. There are several boys who are fascinated by arm hair, leg hair, and one has even discovered the hair under my arms. Haan and Tong, 12 and 13, especially come to me when I'm around and hold my hands, lean on me and smile at me. In Thai culture, and in many Asian countries, there's nothing unusual about guys being touchy with each other. I don't know these brothers' story, but they ended up here and so probably don't have parents. So I decided I would get close to them.

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It was perhaps easier said than done. For the first week I was worried because I simply didn't know what to do around the boys, or even children! I'm tied for the youngest in my family, and didn't spend any time helping in Sunday School growing up. I lack experience. But I was encouraged by another staff to just be myself! They're not looking for a performance, just someone to be with. That helped immensely! Since then I have been much more at ease.

Teaching English to Han and Tong - brothers

It's also got me thinking about something a friend of mine, Aaron, said once after a trip to Thailand. The father figure is lacking in so many kids here, what they need is for a man to be there, wrestle with them, play with them, smile at them, and just be a man to them! One who cares and is involved, even for a short time.

Outside the orphanage, we have seen several people healed, when parts of our team go out and evangelize to people in nearby towns. The DTS students have been stepping up to the microphone and stepping onto the ledge, offering prayer and describing their love for Jesus to people who, through prayer beforehand, God had highlighted to them (ie: a woman with teeth died black, a house behind a tower/spike, and other little clues that came to pass in shocking detail. These revealed people were fortunately open to the gospel and accepted prayer).

God is moving amongst the 7 students, we 4 staff, the orphanage students and staff, and in the region where we live. We have another week and some here, and then onto Pattaya for the final 3 weeks of outreach. We will continue working with children and likely a ministry that helps women trapped in the sex industry.

Satisfy us in the morning

"Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days." Ps. 90:14

Mornings have always been refreshing for me. (I like dusk a lot, especially in Summer. But that's for other reasons, which I may comment on another day.) When I sleep in real late, I feel like I missed something. But when I'm up early, or even too early, I can't help but smile. Despite my tiredness, I am happy. I am content because the day is still open to whatever may happen. I haven't made any mistakes yet. I can be an encouraging man today. Make others feel special. But mostly, there's a freshness that is found in no other time of day.

Reading this psalm gets me thinking about God, and how amazing it is that he satisfies us not just for the current day of the calendar, but also for every day that I will live on this earth, and the endless ones to come after life on this planet is over.

And with what does he satisfy us? With his power or his insistence on discipline? Though those things are irreplaceable, he satisfies in the morning with something else. With his love! With his steadfast, unfailing, neverending love.

And why? So that we can be more efficient beings, better at keeping things in line, perfect, and under control? Nay! That we may rejoice and be glad all our days!  That we may sing for joy and be glad every single day of our lives. That we may live free lives! Free of condemnation, free of the oh-so-many plaguing fears we have, free of the evil, cunning voice that whispers perfection is the only way we're good enough, and free of the now-defeated charge that we are still guilty of our sins. Freedom from that into something greater: life and life abundantly.

From now on, if I'm feeling down, I will ask myself if it's possible to sing for joy. If the answer is "No," then I will ask if I'm satisfied by God's everlasting love. If I'm satisfied by his intense care for my well-being. If the answer is still "No," then I have to alter my schedule a bit and spend some time waiting on God, listening to him. Letting him satisfy me.

I would encourage you that joy is possible and attainable. But it does not stem from ourselves; our minds or our souls or spirits. We haven't the strength to do this genuinely for more than a week, or even a day. But this should be encouraging, because if you're really seeking joy and peace, you can look to an outside Force who is more than willing to give it to you. It comes as a reward for your faith in the One God who is the Savior, Jesus. Let the darkest part of the night make way for Light, which is just waiting to show itself. You cannot stop the sunrise. If you're sensing some change coming and you see stars fade, shadows weaken, and colors emerge, embrace the rays that are dying to dive into your heart. Choose Joy.