Aye, this be a new chapter. God has written a suspenseful one, but I believe
it’s coming to an end. Very old junk, old hurts, present exposure, present pain,
new healing, new life! The previous chapter was one of colorful adventure in
Vancouver, in Thailand and Malaysia with new friends from around the world,
and in a beautiful community fighting to grow closer to God. But it ended 7
weeks ago in Alberta with a gray-scale Tuesday morning conversation that I’ll
never forget.
The cat was out of the bag and the closet opened and contents spilled out. I
was in trouble for mistakes I had made nearly a year before. That day saw some
light though: I vowed to make things right and Jesus was in front of me – the
beacon of reconciliation to lead the way. Emotions came and went: shame and
confusion, then anger, then eventually and God-willing, compassion; to step out
of my shoes and into another’s. I finally sensed some of the trouble I caused
and squirmed uneasily. Then the good news set in, “This can be restored.”
Really, truly made right.
It’s been a great story, if I may say so. The enemy, the antagonist, wasn’t
clear for a time. At first I thought it was the then-revealed victim. Of course
I discovered the enemy is rarely the person who’s hurt. The enemy is instead the
one that silences the promise of healing. And his destiny is set, isn’t it?
I had a mediator – a godly man to help me; to defend me but also to make
me see the wholeness of what I’d done, mixed with the destruction wrought by
another who does not come into this tale… a child whose actions were never
reckoned for. So I was not wholly to blame, but some blame was mine, and it is
the role of a friend to reveal that if need be.
The River Time coursed by… it was mostly frozen at first, advancing at an
agonizingly slow pace. But it picked up, thawed by the great Sun, by breaths of
the great Creator who wished to test my patience and my integrity.
I ran the course with bow set stubbornly straight. Indeed, I may have never
been so set in my ways as I was these last couple months; set on making things
right, on seeing this through. As a character learns his strengths and
weaknesses, I have learned and admit proudly that I am a Carer. Though clinging
to selfishness at times, I have been endowed with a capacity to care. I am a
cacophony of selfishness and selflessness, but inevitably, with enough time
spent with Jesus, the melodies of love and peace and patience will ever carry on
and away and drown out the harsh discords of self-demand. There was a lovely
harbor I regrettably stole from in my youth. But I sailed my ship back there and
mended what I could. Recovery will take time but I believe I’ve done my part for
now. The rest, thankfully, is up to the Shipwright and the Repairman, the God of
the land and the sea.
And the page turns as a large hand titles a new chapter, "Spring Faith."
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