All About My Day

"Talk to me, tell me something"
My mother would say
She wanted to know
All about my day

So I opened my mouth and told her about
The girls I had kissed and the cats I had kicked
The shirt I had stained and how I splashed in the rain,
And the graffiti I did and how I threw a big fit
When the teacher had stopped me
From hitting that kid

My mother just sat there
With her eyes so wide
Waiting for me to say I had lied
But I was telling the whole darn truth
And that wasn't even the end, to boot!

So since I had started I couldn't now cease
These secrets and stories from finding release
So I told her some more, though she might abhor
At least she would know all about my day

And how it all started by showing the class
My reddest and strangest, most recent rash
And at lunch I poured a box of milk
On Fred and Ted and Julie and Phil
And then made Sally slip on a banana peel
Because she said I looked silly

How at recess I greased up the monkey bars
And yelled out "Fire" during the play
Cause it was too long, anyways

And then I swung a kitten by its paws
And told little Suzy there was no Santa Claus
And all about how I wrote in a book
That the principal's a dirty, rotten crook
For saying my shoes looked funny

But the worst of my day was still yet to come
Because I had bit little Elvis's thumb
And nearly all of the school gathered around
And suddenly I didn't feel so proud
So I ran and they chased, and I came home to you
Cause you're the best mom, I'm sure you knew
Now all of my actions were uncalled for
And I know what I've done, I'll answer for
But Mom, by God, please don't answer the door!
I'm sure I've learned my lesson.