"Lent" me your ears

Terrible pun title means an adequate blog as I always say. But I press on.

Ash Wednesday begins 40 days of Lent. That was yesterday, but whatever. What to give up is the question. Or is it? I wondered for a while what I could go without: soda, desserts (first thought is food of course), time in my day, TV shows that I follow... Though I did settle on withholding overeating (as in eating way more than I need, simply because I can squeeze it in and because it tastes good), I also realized that in celebration for Easter, what I personally need is not to take everything away from myself, but to continue to dive into God. My greatest need is to draw near to him, to trust him, and to love him. This involves time and energy and it takes getting used to, but oh boy. Because if the Bible is true (which I would admit under penalty of death), the rewards for following God, for hosting the Holy Spirit in us, are incomparable! There's love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control that are dying to pour forth from any person who trusts God with their whole self. Who doesn't want those?

Instead of removing items from my life, which does hold many benefits, I want to focus on adding good things. It's like instead of trying to stop saying mean things, to focus on saying nice things. Then the rude thoughts will fizzle themselves out, naturally.

Yosemite National Park
Date wrong - Summer 2009
(Not exactly related)

Now that outreach is over, I'm trying to figure out what I'm thinking, what I'm feeling. I've been in Asia for almost 3 months! I love experiencing hot showers again (most of the trip they were unavailable). I missed meat and potatoes and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Vancouver's chilly weather and snow-capped mountains have warmed my heart and added a lightness to my step when I was so confused about, well, everything.

I'm honestly not trying to be dramatic. But in this temporary tiredness and anxiety of not knowing if I have done a good job, what my core thirsts for is an embrace. A long, solid, love-filled hug from someone who knows me well. Who misses me when I neglect conversation. Who cares for me in a way I will never fully understand. Who loves me unconditionally. A hug from a God? I'll take that. And another! In preparation for Easter, I will get to know Jesus more than I ever have. And all I have to do is ask.